Happiness

It’s my husband’s birthday today so I’m going to cook him steak and then coffee syrup cake with cream, and a giant chocolate birthday cake. I know the way to a man’s heart alright. He’s 32, four years older than me. I feel a lot older than I am, feel like so much has happened. When I’m thirty I want a proper party. I’m not letting it go by quietly, oh no.

Lately I have felt happy, like I can’t remember feeling. Genuinely happy, genuinely alive and well. I was talking to someone I’d only just met the other night, a psychiatric nurse, and after I’d told her little bits about medications and things she said that she wouldn’t rather be me. She said she wan’t giving me sympathy just that she wouldn’t be me. I felt as though she understood. I said, it has been hard. I wish I knew more people. I’m so isolated, I have more friends on the internet than in real life, and they are truly wonderful people, writers. I wish I could meet with them more often.

I’m waiting for my new book, Bite Your Tongue When You Give Me My Name to arrive on my doormat, and it should be any day, and will be available in a couple of weeks. I have to stress that the paperback is far better than the ebook as I had more time to work on it, so do consider buying the paperback, as it is full of poems, plenty to get stuck into and has excellent cover art by Eli Regan.

My lithium levels have shot up and I’m feeling ill, constant headaches, dizziness and nausea. My dose has dropped to try and see if it comes down. I’ve had some really awful effects when it’s been high before, because I was taking Ibrubrofen for a cold and had no idea it would raise my lithium level. I couldn’t walk straight, I was dizzy, I started to slur my words. It does worry me, all the medication I’m on, that I could progress to other health problems because of it, but I have my bloods done very regularly and the people at the clinic are keeping on top of it. I might be discharged soon, I see my psychiatrist soon and he can see how I’ve progressed. I’m better, I’m staying well and I feel positive that I can keep things under control for the forseeable future.

I had a trip to London on Wednesday for Alexandra Gallagher’s debut exhibition at the Brick Lane Gallery. Her work was based around the theme of Northwest memories and she was giving out Blackpool sugar dummies, which people were sucking, which was nice. There was plenty of interesting work there, painting, prints, sculpture. Alex’s work went down well and she sold two pieces. I finally got home at two in the morning, it was a fantastic night. You can see Alex’s work here..

http://www.agportraits.co.uk/

You can also contact her on facebook.

My head is banging. I shall go and make a birthday cake!

Ta ta x

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s