This is my daughter Lil. We went to Edisford Bridge in Clitheroe and the kids paddled in the river and skimmed stones. Charlie barked at rocks for a couple of hours. We drank tea in polystyrene cups and talked about whatever came into our heads. My mother and father-in-law came too, and both having just recovered from major surgery they thoroughly enjoyed the sunshine.
This morning my friend Mark gave me a beautiful tattoo of a rose.
It’s a cover-up of a tattoo I had aged seventeen. I had the original done on a whim and hated it. I adore the new work. Mark is at Inkspirations…http://www.inkspirationstattoo.co.uk and is a brilliantly talented artist.
I realised today it has taken me twenty years to have the confidence to show my arms in public, as I have many self-harm scars. In fact, I had my back exposed for the tattoo and people saw my body and I didn’t mind, though years ago I couldn’t have done it. Until recently I didn’t want anyone to see me or touch me. I think I just realised that it doesn’t matter what people think about me or how I look. I’m pleased I don’t have to hide my tattoo anymore and feel proud of the work Mark has done. I don’t mind if people stare at my arms, it doesn’t bother me, and I’m more tactile than I used to be. I guess I’m just going soft.
Sometimes I feel sad it’s taken me so long to accept myself and begin to feel comfortable in my own skin and my own body, but I will embrace the confidence I’ve found. None of us have any reason to be ashamed of our bodies. Our bodies are beautiful, magical, special and finite. I want to live now, as long as I possibly can. I’m hoping by keeping this blog I might be able to trace my thoughts on the bad days back to these better moments.